Unit 5 Subtle Mind Exercise

I actually found I liked this one more at the beginning than the Unit 4 exercise, I found it easy to get into focusing on my breathing and following the instructions of the female voice this time.  I did notice how much effort it took just to focus on my breathing and keep my mind on that and that alone though, it is how she says, a deliberate almost forceful action.  I wasn't able to keep going the whole time however and turned it off early to document my reaction, which I find more enjoyable than sitting through an entire exercise.  I feel guilty not finishing it off but I almost felt like I was about to jump out of my own skin had I sat there in silence much longer.  It was very uncomfortable to me.  I never realized just how difficult this exercise would be, I still find myself partial to the Journey On exercise for some reason, I'm not sure why.  I have given a lot of thought as to why these recent exercises were so unpleasant for me to sit through and I think I'm like many other students in this class in that I just have a hard time turning my brain off from activity to inactivity.  It feels uncomfortable not to think or plan or "do" anything for even twenty minutes, does this mean I'm not comfortable with myself?  No, I don't believe so, I have no issue sitting alone at home watching my favorite show (The X Files or Bones), actually I prefer the peace and quiet to do my school work by being home alone.  This brings to mind more questions, do we lose the desire to be surrounded by people as we get older or do we just move into a different place or level in our lives as we continue to grow?  It seems to me that for the last three to four years now, I have become quite content either having only one friend or no friends.  I'm not sure why, I used to live to be around people and had a deep, inner need to have many friends all the time, constant contact with them.  Now I find myself irritated with even friends trying to chat with me on Facebook all the time.  I don't think I am isolating myself, perhaps the opposite, in finding myself it is such a personal journey that distractions of other people being around would interfere with my goals.  I find myself more at peace being alone in regards to having friends, I find myself even reluctant to hold long conversations with one of my neighbors that has recently been coming over to our house, I want to reach out to her yet I don't want to really get involved with anyone else's problems if that makes sense.  I see me befriending her as only eventually an irritation to myself that I invited into my quiet, peaceful life.  I have learned from previous experiences that if I have the control to not make the same mistakes in my life twice, then I need to exercise the power I have over my own life to choose not to.  As with anything  we do or don't do in our lives, it all boils down to choice.