I would rate my optimal wellbeing in the following way:
Physical wellbeing: 5
Spiritual wellbeing: 8
Psychological wellbeing: 9
The reason I rated my physical wellbeing as a 5 is because I need to get back into working out at the gym, and I recently started smoking as well which was stupid considering I had quit for going on five or six years now, and I am a bit overweight.
The reason I rated my spiritual wellbeing an 8 is because I haven't been to church in the last four months since my son had come down to visit me, I don't know if I just lost interest or if it was the distraction of wanting to spend every waking moment with him. Even since he has left I only visited another church one time and wasn't inclined to return. I love my church I normally go to but the hours I work on the weekends make it near impossible to get up early on a Sunday morning, and since my husband gets off work at 7am on Sundays, he goes right to sleep. I hope to return to Sunday services but I have a feeling it won't be until I quit in November from my current job and have my weekends free once again of late nights.
As for my psychological wellbeing I rated it a 9 because although I still have rough days, I am so much better after finding and meeting my son that I had to give up for adoption. Spending four months with him every day healed me in more ways than I can say and enabled me to finally forgive myself for a decision that I held a lot of guilt about. His success and amazing tenacity to excel has given me the reassurance I needed to know I did the right thing for him. His life was hard, much harder than I intended it to be, he lost his adoptive mother, my best friend at the time, to cervical cancer when he was only 5 years old. Everything went down hill from there for him but he rose up from the ashes and made something of his self regardless, his will to survive and to be the best at everything has kept him going. Now I have memories of our last four months to replace the last memories I had of him before I gave him up for adoption, which were nightmarish ones. I now also have pictures all over of him as a baby that I thought I'd never see again thanks to getting in contact with his biological dad as well, so this experience brought me healing and wholeness all in one.
A goal for me to develop in each area will be to go back to the gym, phone or no phone, get back into attending church on Sundays and continue to develop and build my relationship with my oldest son.
Activities and exercises I can implement in order to move forward toward each of these goals would be going to the gym first thing in the morning when I wake up, spending time in meditation if I can't get to church on Sunday, and keep open and honest communication with my son regularly.
My experience of listening to the exercise Crime of the Century was very different than the Journey On one, in that I felt dizzy and sea sick for some reason, at one point I had to lay my head down on my desk just to finish it out. I liked the visualizations of the different colors coming out of different areas of my body and I especially liked that I didn't have to figure out what colors represented what areas but that he provided that for us. For some reason his voice even tickled me in my stomach area but I have no idea why, I think it's just so soothing listening to his voice in that quiet, calm voice. I liked when he said my lower spine was the color red and when he said to visualize that color shooting down past my feet, I was shocked to discover my feet actually felt really warm for a second. Even though he said it shouldn't make you feel tired or sleepy, it did make me feel exactly that, but I did notice that for some reason throughout this exercise I was having some involuntary twitching in my left index finger, no idea why, anyone have any thoughts on what was causing that?
Hey Jada,
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear that you and your son are finally got back together into each other's lives, even though you did put him up for adoption. You must have a a good reason for it. I know how hard it must have been for you to do so. I have an older daughter that past away at birth 11 years ago and I wish I could bring her back so dearly. There is not a moment that goes by that I miss her so and think of her. But on the other hand I have three beautiful daughters since having Phoebe. I too have my ups and downs about her loss, especially when her birthday comes around and she is not here to celebrate her birthday. But look on the bright side , you can spend the time with him now that you have lossed with him and enjoy the time you have together. Jada reading your story really touched me dearly and I appreciate you in every aspect.
Thank you so much For your story.
Thank you for your feedback, I think the more we can share with others about our personal struggles the more opportunities we have to help someone else along the way. I gave my son up because we were living on the streets in Seattle, a most un-forgiving city, and I believed he deserved more than what I could give him at the time.
DeleteHi Jada! I think it's fantastic that you've been able to connect with your oldest. I couldn't imagine the pain you've been through. What a blessing to be able to begin that healing together with him! You seem to have set some really good goals for yourself. For a year or so we did not attend a live church because we had moved to a new area and frankly, none of the churches we visited we liked. But we did watch our church online. It's an awesome church and you just might like it! Go to newspring.cc and check it out. It's a non-denominational one (so no religion to worry about...lol) and the speaker is super cool and very down to earth. If you do check it out, let me know how you like it! One of my goals is to also start attending a church. Fellowship is very important in helping us stay connected. We still watch our church online sometimes, especially if we can't make it in person.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine why you had the twitching during the exercise, but I can relate to the sick feeling you had at the beginning of the crime of the century. When I was started massage school we would do things like this and I had negative reactions at first. The teacher explained it as a physical reaction to the "mess" I had inside. Almost like my body and mind were clashing. I was in a very emotional and dark place when I started school and I was finally facing issues that I had since childhood. Doing these exercises and talking to someone about these issues really helped me. You may be experiencing something similar considering all the emotions you must be experiencing with being reunited with your son. Just a thought. :) I think you are an incredible person, Jada, and wish you so many wonderful things. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sure it wasn't an easy one to share.
Jo
I will consider what you say about the sick feeling I had at the beginning of the exercise, thank you for the feedback, it really encourages me to look to my inner health more in depth. Thanks for listening.
DeleteHi Jada,
ReplyDeleteI think that rating myself was the hardest part of the blog. I see that you rated yourself and listed the reasons for each. As it relates to you having not been to church in a little while, it is my personal opinion that although church is a good way to fellowship with other believers of your same faith and learn more broken down views of what ever literature you study from i.e. Bible, Koran; the true key to spiritual health lies between you and whatever being you believe is responsible for taking care of you. In saying that, I mean if you pray and you have a strong spiritual relationship with your God, there in lies the key to how strong you are spiritually. Like the other ladies before me, I am happy for you and your son; it's a blessing to be able to draw closer to the ones you love. I found the relaxation exercise enjoyable and helpful. Because we are different people, I presume that it would be possible to experience just about any reaction to any stimulus. Though I have no explanation for what you experienced, I would default to the anything is possible and depending on how deeply you were stimulated you could get a different reaction with different relaxation techniques. Good blog Jada!
I really appreciate your feedback about church, I do tend to beat myself up about not going in the last four months but what you say is true, I do have a strong relationship with God and pray often for myself and others. Thanks for responding!
DeleteHi Jada, thats awesome that you had a chance to reconnect with your son. I am sure that seeing him did heal you in ways that you can't even imagine. Good luck with getting back into the gym. Thats a strong commitment to make. But since your pyschological well being is so high, you should be able to make that dedication to your health with no problem because you know you are worth the effort.
ReplyDeleteHi Jada,
ReplyDeleteRating oneself is the most difficult part. However, you seem to have great evaluation of spiritual and psychological wellness; while it takes time to get into a routine of church going, that doesn't meant that you're not as spiritually connected because you're not in a specific worshiping place. Best of luck when you're reading to quit smoking, you already noted the poor health aspects it has for yourself and others, and with a strong mentality, you will do great at quitting again.
Hi Jada,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your blog and it seems that you are in a pretty good place and have great ideas to get to an even better one....hopefully you are working really hard to stop that smoking! I mentioned it before on the DB, but I truly love your story about finding your son.